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Are you a Fundamentalist Atheist?
24 July 2010 |
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You may be a fundamentalist atheist if...

- You believe that extra drippy ice-cream is a logical proof against the existence of God, because an omniscient God would know how to stop the ice-cream from being extra drippy, an omnipotent God would have the ability to stop the ice-cream from being extra drippy, and by golly, an omnibenevolent God wouldn't want your ice-cream to be extra drippy.
- Although you've memorized half a dozen proofs that He doesn't exist, you still think you're God's gift to the ignorant masses
- You believe the astronomical size of the universe somehow disproves God, as if God needed a tiny universe in order to exist.
- You think questions like, "Can God create a rock so big that He cannot lift it?" and, "Can God will Himself out of existence?" are perfect examples of how to disprove God's omnipotence and ultimately how to disprove God. When someone proves to you the false logic behind the questions (i.e. pitting God's omnipotence against itself), you desperately try to defend the questions, but then give up and go to a different Christian site to ask them.
- Related to the above, you spend a great deal of your spare time writing to Christian websites asking them these very questions.
- You spend hours arguing that a-theism actually means "without a belief in God" and not just "belief that there is no god" as if this is a meaningful distinction in real life
- You consistently deny the existence of God because you personally have never seen him but you reject out of hand personal testimony from theists who claim to have experienced God as a reality in their lives.
- You can make the existence of pink unicorns the center-piece of a philosophical critique.
- You say that there is no God and that those who believe in God do so in blind faith, yet your claim that there is no God also rests on blind faith.
- While you don't believe in God, you feel justified on bashing God or attacking those who believe in something that you KNOW doesn't exist; fighting against or even discussing about a non-existent being are the symptoms of mental illness!
- You blame God for the starvation, sickness, pain and suffering in the world... when, indeed, it is MAN's greed, politics, selfishness and apathy that not only causes, but also ignores the sick and the starving masses. We aren't our brothers' keepers, but we should be
- When asked where the big ball of matter (that started the "Big Bang") came from, you insist that it popped out of nowhere.
- You say that the existence of God is a "blank idea", since no one knows the universe's secrets, yet you continue to state your opinion of God not existing as a "fact".
- You believe in many things about history (the culture of the ancient Mayans, egyptians etc.), yet you refuse to accept personal modern-day testimony from someone who has personally experienced God.
- You ask Christians to come on to your forum to address issues you raise. When you don't like the answers or can't accept them, you proceed to delete the conversation.
- You believe that planes, computers, calculators, compasses, etc, were "all obviously designed," yet the human body, being intricately more complex was "obviously a product of biological evolution." It seems the more complex the apparatus, the more obvious the "fact" that it was not designed.
- As a member of the Skeptic's society you pride yourself on being skeptical of extraordinary claims. You also pride yourself on silencing everyone who is skeptical of the extraordinary claims of evolution.
- Isaac Newton does not count as an example of a great scientist who believed in the Bible since he died before the Origin of Species was published.
- When you watch a punt returner run a 93 yard touchdown, you marvel at what evolution has done for the human race. But when someone gets cancer, you blame God for it.
- When you're discussing the origin of the world, the phrase "uncaused cause (God)" is a stupid, meaningless thing to say. You will, however, settle for "uncaused effect (the world without God)".
- When you ask the question "How can life arise from non life" you are told to "get a basic biology textbook". When you ask "if the answer is so easy why don't you tell me?" you are called an ignorant buffoon.
- You love to castigate Christians for being "anti-science" if they deny evolution from goo to you via the zoo, and to preach that they should adapt their thinking to the "science" of our day. But you also castigate the Church of 400 years ago for being anti-science, when it DID adapt its thinking to the science of ITS day i.e. Ptolemaic cosmology, then joined with the Aristotelian scientists of the universities in rejecting Galileo!
- You have recently stuck a Darwin fish on your car in the hopes the people with the Jesus fish on theirs will be offended.
- You can claim with a straight face on sites like Talk Origins that "Evolution does not have moral consequences" despite the fact that prominent evolutionary advocates like Richard Dawkins and Daniel Dennett vehemently assert that evolution does transcend biology in a way that has profound effects upon ethics.
- When the Pope says that God may have used evolution, he is an enlightened religious leader whom Christians should listen to. When the Pope preaches on the sanctity of human life from conception, and thus denounces abortion, he's just a senile religious bigot who should keep his opinions to himself.
- You insist that science is completely partial to all ideas, is not dogmatic and researches all possibilities - except creationism and/or intelligent design.
- When a creationist points out problems with the evolutionist model you claim that the whole point of science is to answer problems like these. But if you can point out even one problem in the creationist model it should instantly be abandoned as absurd.
- You are a person who absolutely believes that life came from non-life, yet absolutely deny the possibility of anyone rising from the dead.
- You won't bet $10 on a football game because a 50/50 chance isn't good enough, but you have no problem gambling with your life on the nearly impossible odds of a cell randomly generating from nothing.
- You teach a belief as truth beyond any shadow of a doubt. Yet of course, you ignore that fully educated scientists in most other nations have proven against Darwinian theory. Like the Chine paleontologist who reportedly says: "In China we can criticize Darwin but not the government. In America you can criticize the government but not Darwin."
- You insist that "Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence", then claim that Jesus never existed.
- When you use a historical point to prove Christianity is false (i.e., pagan parallel to Christianity), history is objective truth. When a Christian uses real historical scholarship to prove you false, history was written by subjective men and therefore cannot be trusted.
- You reject what Cornelius Tacitus wrote about Jesus, dismissing it as "too late", but you readily accept what he wrote about Tiberius and Augustus.
- You not only spell "God" with a lower case "g," but you also add an "E" to "B.C.," and replace the word "Christ" with an "x". Yet, when asked to name the planets you have no problem with spouting out the appropriate list of Roman Gods. Heck, you'll even spell them with capital letters! Not only that, you can even spell and pronounce the name of the 800-mile-diameter Trans-Neptunian Object 'Quaoar', and are delighted that it comes from the creation mythology of the Tongva people (aka the San Gabrielino Native Americans).
- In addition, you say that terms like "AD", "BC" and "Christmas" (as opposed to "winter holiday season") are medieval, outdated, bigoted poison and must be eliminated at all costs from the world, yet the fact that our months and days are largely named after Roman, viking etc. figures (eg. Janus - January, Thor - Thursday) is a glowing testimony to the diverse and wonderful nature of human history.
- You believe that Hitler claiming to be a Christian is undeniable proof that he was a Christian, while George Washington only claimed to be a Christian in order to win the people's favor.
- You are outraged at the slaughters in the Bible ordered by God because of the need at the time (such as the Midianite children's tendency to avenge their parents after growing up), but then vigorously defend the bombing of Hiroshima on the grounds that the Japanese would fight to the death.
- You assert that the crimes and failings of some Christians (acting inconsistently with the teachings of Christ) disproves the whole edifice of Christianity but that the crimes and failings of some atheists (acting consistently with the fact that atheism can provide no basis for objective morality) should on no account be held against the philosophy of atheism.
- You assert there is no absolute categories of good and evil, that all morals are merely personal, social and evolutionary constructs but then you can still describe Christians and Christianity as absolutely immoral, repugnant, evil and a danger to humanity and not feel even a twinge of hypocrisy at the monumental illogic of your position.
- You get angry when Christians tell you you're going to a place that you don't think exists.
- You're convinced that people only believe in God because they're afraid of going to hell, despite the fact that if there is no God, then there's probably no hell either.
- You think Christians are narrow-minded for believing in only one religion, but atheists are open-minded for believing in absolutely none.
- You believe that Christianity discriminates, because you have to join their religion in order to be a member of their religion.
- You don't like Christians because they are stuffy and judgmental and you don't like judgmental people. You also don't see the irony in this.
- You believe that nativity scenes should be banned from public view, but that anyone objecting to pornography only has to look the other way.
- Your only knowledge of The Bible comes from searching 'bible contradictions' in Google.
- When you say "I don't know" you are being brave and honest. When a theist says "I don't know" they are being dishonest and are trying to dodge the question.
- You quote The God Delusion like Christians quote the Bible.
Labels: Atheism


